對(duì)他所有的委屈，怨恨，哭訴，不解和憤懣，但最終不過(guò)是匯聚成“我想你”這三個(gè)字，但是這三個(gè)字我再也對(duì)他說(shuō)不出口了。
我想做的，不僅僅是告訴他“I miss you”，我想做的，還有像從前一樣，在擁抱他之前，嗅嗅他的脖子和后耳朵，然后給他一個(gè)緊緊的擁抱。
但是他說(shuō)“我想你”這幾個(gè)字太乏味了。除了這幾個(gè)字，我對(duì)他說(shuō)不出其他的話了。我不能再討他歡心，不能再和他開(kāi)玩笑，不能再趴在他身上死皮賴臉，不能擺出一副傻氣的笑臉，不能，不能......
我明明知道他已不會(huì)再回頭，他已出發(fā)在路上尋找自己的幸福，但還是忍不住死皮賴臉地給他發(fā)了兩次好友申請(qǐng)。我明知道他不會(huì)再通過(guò)了，明知道我們?cè)僖膊粫?huì)有以后了，可還是偏執(zhí)地想要去試探。
可是，沒(méi)有他的生活真的好難熬。我總覺(jué)得自己在數(shù)著日子過(guò)。
如果我過(guò)得好一些，遇到好一點(diǎn)的人，是不是就可以擺脫過(guò)去的束縛了。
我想應(yīng)該是的吧。但我也不敢確認(rèn)。因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)過(guò)去四年了。曾經(jīng)耳磨鬢腮的時(shí)間已經(jīng)過(guò)去4年多了。我覺(jué)得我已經(jīng)失去了愛(ài)的能力。我知道或許是他不值得，但是曾經(jīng)的我，沒(méi)有得到一個(gè)相應(yīng)的回應(yīng)，我很放不下。我不理解，我不懂，我不明白。
我們相愛(ài)嗎？我不知道。我愛(ài)他嗎？我認(rèn)為是的?？墒?，他愛(ài)過(guò)我嗎？我不知道。愛(ài)過(guò)嗎？或許在某個(gè)瞬間吧？全程愛(ài)著嗎，好像不是的。
可是每想起他送我去火車站的路上，我總覺(jué)得我一回頭他就在原地等我，我總覺(jué)得那個(gè)舍不得我離開(kāi)的他，下一次下下次都會(huì)在出站口等我，舉起手來(lái)一邊打電話一邊盯住我喊“Chin!”，我總覺(jué)得那些親密的讓人嫉妒的笑聲和擁抱，還能在原地等我。
可是這些我都不會(huì)再有了。我很清楚，這輩子我都不會(huì)再有了。
一想到這，眼淚就嘩嘩掉下來(lái)。
我多希望他可以想我??！我想，他再也不會(huì)了。就算偶爾想起我，也會(huì)覺(jué)得幸好離開(kāi)了我吧。
真的很希望可以有一個(gè)人走進(jìn)我的生活，取代他的位置。就算取代不了，能夠讓我不想起他也會(huì)讓我的生活輕松一些吧。
For all my grievances， resentment， crying， confusion and anger， in the end only converge into the three words“I miss you“， but these three words I can no longer say to him.
What I wanted to do was not just tell him“I miss you“， but to sniff his neck and the back of his ears and give him a tight hug like I always did.
But he said the words“I miss you“ were too boring. I couldn't say anything to him other than these words. I can't please him， can't joke with him， can't make face to him and put on a silly smile， can't， can't......
I knew that he would never look back， that he was already on his way to find his own happiness， but I still couldn't help but shamelessly sent him two friend requests. I know he will not answer， know that we will never have a future， but still paranoid to test.
It's hard to live without him. I always feel like I'm counting the days.
If I live better， meet better people， is it possible to get rid of the shackles of the past?
I think so. But I'm not sure. Because it's been four years. It has been more than 4 years after those ears grinding cheeks days. I feel like I've lost the ability to love. I know maybe he is not worth it， but as long as I do not get a corresponding response， I am not putting down. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand.
Were we in love? I don't know. Do I love him? I think so. But did he ever love me? I don't know. Has he ever loved? Maybe in a moment? The whole time? I don't think so.
But every time I think of the way he sent me to the train station， at the time I always believed that when I look back he is waiting for me in place， I always feel that he is reluctant to let me to go， that he is always going to wait for me at the exit of the station， waving his hand and calling my name “Chin!“ and with loving eyes spotting at me with his cute smiles， I always thought that those “our“ laughters and huggies that a person could be jealous of， would be always be reacheable for me at the railway station， at the subway extrance..
But I am not having any of that anymore. It's clear to me that I won't have any more after him.
Tears welled up at the thought.
How I wish he could miss me! I don't think he ever will again. Even if occasionally think of me， he will feel lucky to leave me.
I really want someone to come into my life and take his place. If he can't replace him， it'll make my life a little easier to keep him out of my head.